But Is It Canon?

Adventures in Cereal Packets - Part 1 - The A-Team

2012-02-25T09:02:00.000-08:00

Now I don't know what this came free with, the crow should give me a clue but it doesn't (it isn't Kia-Ora).

Anyway enjoy the first part of the strip, to build up a a real sense of tension with the story I will be publishing it a page at a time...

In A Nutshell - The Entire Works of J.R.R. Tolkien

2012-02-23T12:09:00.000-08:00

But is it Star Trek? Lame Poem Puzzle Filler 2

2012-02-21T12:31:00.000-08:00

Now this one is slightly better than the previous.

At least the last two lines nearly scan....

Grammar - The Common Noun

2012-02-19T02:52:00.000-08:00

Now compare this earlier to the Proper Noun!

Nothing like using class to teach.

Wonderful!

But is it God? Wipe your face on the hand of Jehovah!

2012-02-17T09:54:00.000-08:00

I mean really! This beggars belief! Just what is the world coming to?

The Sistine chapel on a napkin?

Is this Canon?

God on a napkin oh and Adam...

Lord of the Rings - The Battle of Minas Tirith through the medium of Sweets ("Candy" in the US)

2012-02-16T05:20:00.000-08:00

So hungry ... for more close up pictures of Sweetie Orc action click on the link below...

http://missedmanners.wordpress.com/2008/01/03/battle-of-pelennor-fields/

But is it Star Trek? Lame Poem Puzzle Filler

2012-02-14T23:50:00.000-08:00

I think they rushed this.

Also Uhuru is Uhura even elsewhere in the Annual.

Tut.

But is it Darwin? Books for the Children 2

2012-02-12T09:56:00.000-08:00

This is absolutely brilliant, I sometimes get lost in adaptation and all that but this is the dino's balls.

Buy it for your kids now.

But is it Darwin? Backwards Evolution with Dan Dare!

2012-02-11T10:59:00.000-08:00

On some planets evoluation goes backwards...

Really fast...

Because of marsh gas....

Evolution badly explained by 80's non-canon Dan Dare...

But is it Darwin? Books for the Children 1

2012-02-10T09:50:00.000-08:00

Try this it's friendly and simple.

I understood it.

Goes through his life in some detail and then has fun explaining his theories.

Plus cartoons and quizzes

But is it Darwin? Darwin and Kipling Together At Last!

2012-02-09T06:39:00.000-08:00

The fantastic theatre company Tall Stories (The Gruffalo) brought to life some of Rudyard Kipling's Just So Stories and Darwin's theories of evolution in "How the Giraffe Got His Neck". They looked at myth and Kipling's explanations and then looked at the even more fun explanation of evolution. My son was able to explain the reason for the sizes of different finch beaks at the end.

With just a cast of two this is a fantastic piece of work and it successfully avoids any of Kipling's apalling explicit racism - yep be careful if you read Kipling aloud to your kids and you haven't read it for years... see here for example... I had to stop... this is too horrible even for words... just read it... This is taken from "How the Leopard got it's spots"

I feel a bit sick now...

Approach Kipling with caution!

Still he drew great pictures...

I digress - thankfully Tall Stories debunk Kipling in a fun way and entertain and educate at the same time.

Shame this isn't touring anymore but Tall Stories are still producing great work (currently Mr Benn).

Spinning Off During the War - Uniform Puzzle

2012-02-09T02:49:00.000-08:00

I really really don't have a clue...

But is it Darwin? Darwin on a giant beetle

2012-02-08T12:02:00.000-08:00

Drawn by Darwin's friend!

Go to it Charlie!

Definitely Canon, those beetles are extinct now...

Darwin ate them...

That Strange Beatles Cartoon 2: Island of Terror: Tomorrow Has No Idea

2012-02-07T11:56:00.000-08:00

Check out this bizarre episode of "The Beatles" cartoon... thanks once again to Island of Terror for this...

Click below to watch the clip!

Island of Terror: Tomorrow Has No Idea: We've looked at psychedelic Beatles cartoons before, remember , and this one is for perhaps their most psychedelic song ever, the astonish...

But is it Darwin? A Song for Charles Darwin

2012-02-07T10:25:00.000-08:00

This beautiful song explores Darwin's journies and how much his wife missed him...

There are a load of folk songs on the Darwin Song Project website from 2009, check them out!

But is it Darwin? Toys for the Young Evolutionist

2012-02-06T11:58:00.000-08:00

Celebrate Darwin's Birthday with these lovely toys...

I want all of them,

From the nodding Darwin...

To this Nodding Darwin with a skull (that must be the missing link)

But especially this one...

Who doesn't want to give Charlie a cuddle?

Doctor Who and the Trail of Terror

2012-02-06T02:55:00.000-08:00

I posted this last year when Elizabeth Sladen died.

It really is super.

Apart from Tom Baker no-one looks like anyone! That aint Sarah Jane and that ain't Harry.

Play it now!

But is it Darwin? Darwin's Intergalactic Adventure

2012-02-05T10:15:00.000-08:00

Created to Promote the Cheltenham Science Festival and Darwin's Bicentennial in 2009.

Click on the Picture to play the game!

I'd like to think this is Canon.

Although Darwin doesn't seem to eat or sketch his quarry after he shoots them.

But is it Darwin? The Press 1

2012-02-04T09:52:00.000-08:00

Was Darwin a monkey? Well no. Not this particular species.

Was he descended from a Primate? Yes.

And so was I.

And you.

Oh and you as well.

Do you want me to go on?

In A Nutshell - The Entire Works of William Shakespeare

2012-02-03T12:07:00.000-08:00

The Dark Knight - Adam West Stylee...

2012-01-27T12:43:00.000-08:00

Want to see The Dark Knight credits redone in the style of the original Batman TV series? Of course you do!

Canon?

You betcha!

Make Your Own Ent!

2012-01-27T02:45:00.000-08:00

Look at this!

Now the following could save Peter Jackson millions...

Taken from Hal Danby's "Make your Own Costumes and Disguises" any kid could make this... it doesn't look hard at all...

Which is more evil? Harry Potter or Narnia? Get the definitive answer here...

2012-01-26T06:28:00.000-08:00

Just in case you missed the truth about the Evil of Narnia!

To see the evolution of the argument in full read here...

In A Nutshell - The Entire Works of Charles Darwin

2012-01-23T12:05:00.000-08:00

Jake the peg - Make your own costume 2 (picture by my brother)

2012-01-22T12:13:00.000-08:00

My brother has kindly sent me this diagram of an articulated knee that he made for Jake's third leg...
He used a door hinge and a chair spring... now you can be even more accurate - Hey Rolf my brother makes better third legs than you!

Spin Off Beatles Cartoon! Island of Terror: Strawberry Fields Whatever

2012-01-22T02:05:00.000-08:00

Beatles Spin off cartoon! I had no idea! Thanks to Island of Terror for this.

Click on link below to read more and see an episode...

Island of Terror: Strawberry Fields Whatever:

Jake the Peg - Make your own costume

2012-01-21T02:14:00.000-08:00

My brother made this costume for his Scout Band Night thing (I think it was called "Corfe Capers" - I lived in Corfe Mullen, Dorset back in the day)Now you can make it too!

Listen to the tune whilst you do!

Grammar - The Proper Noun

2012-01-19T13:21:00.000-08:00

Back in the late 19th Century to help kids learn grammar they used these groovy characters.

First: The noun

This comes from a book that my dear departed gran gave me.

Spin off Grammar!

Do you know what it does work.

Give an idea or a concept a character and I'll remember it.

Pathetic Zombies - Kids in the Hall

2012-01-16T01:58:00.000-08:00

This got funnier the longer it went on.

I would suggest that there are elements of Zombie canon* here.

Shoes!

This is taken from the Canadian "Kids in the Hall" which I watched back in sixth form and university. Channel 4 bought it, I stumbled upon this by accident and memories came flooding back...

*Zombie Canon

Zombies are SLOW

Zombies are STUPID

Zombies can only be stopped by a BLOW TO THE HEAD

Zombies are RELENTLESS

Brilliant Mash-ups 3 - Spiderman versus Megatron! Transformers and Spiderman...

2012-01-15T04:01:00.000-08:00

I bought this comic when I was 11.

I remember the little corner shop in Corfe Mullen (Dorset) next to Lockyers Middle School, just by the Recreation ground. I wonder if it's still there. I'd pick up this comic every Friday after school for about seven issues but then I ran out of money.

I got very litle pocket money and so supplemented my income (which was my age in pence per week - so 11p at this point) by singing in the choir, this meant I could afford the occasional Fighting Fantasy Gamebook and buy the Transformers comic. I never had a Transformers toy and nor did I watch the cartoon. I loved the comics.

Transformers were with Marvel at this time, I wonder if the films would have been better if they stayed that way. In this story Sam Whitwickey's Dad (who is a mechanic) is kidnapped by the Decepticons to work for them on refining fuel or something. Spiderman aids in the rescue.

He teams up with Gears.

Spidey is as cheeky as ever (I think that's why I liked him, Superman and Batman were so po-faced in the eighties). Notice the black suit (I didn't follow Spidey in comics but did watch Spiderman and his Amazing Friends (which I loved and still love) so this suit that was operated telepathically was super cool news to me).

Spidey is not phased by any of this, he initially doesn't know the Autobots are goodies but once he knows the truth is quite happy to wrap Megatron up in webbing...

Such happy memories.

Spinning Off During the War - The Beam Boys

2012-01-13T13:19:00.000-08:00

Fact - Jerry lost because he was dazzled trying to make out the names in this fiendishly clever searchlight.

In A Nutshell - The Entire Works of Sigmund Freud

2012-01-09T11:51:00.000-08:00

Spiderman's Punches Sound Like A Rude Boy Emoting...

2012-01-02T12:34:00.000-08:00

See!

Taken from the front of my pyjamas that I got for Christmas...

For more groovy Sound Effects check this out!
Thanks to Michael Eckett for the link.

Red Riding Hood - Creepy Puzzle from 1941

2011-12-31T02:03:00.000-08:00

Red Riding Hood haunted by creepy floating faces...

She can sense them...

Can you see them?

Doctor Who meets Dracula!

2011-12-27T09:38:00.000-08:00

Now this seems plausible.

Actually no it doesn't.

Doctor Who meets Bela Lugosi's Dracula.

Now if memory serves he does meet Dracula in "The Chase" but it turns out to be fairground attraction.

Then there are of course the vampires of "State of Decay", "The Curse of Fenric" and "Vampires of Venice".

But this is the only time he meets the real honest to goodness Count Dracula.

Unless of course this turns out not to be canon.

Which it probably isn't.

Full story below!

Happy Life Day! - Let's Celebrate Christmas by watching the Star Wars Christmas Special!

2011-12-24T07:57:00.001-08:00

Right this isn't Canon but I say if George is allowed "The Phantom Menace" then he has to have this!

Incidentally if you can't be arsed to sit through this utter dross then you could just watch Princess Leia singing "Life Day" which isn't Canon but by God it should be on every Christmas album.

Or watch the only good bit - this animated adventure that introduces Boba Fett which might be canon.

Happy Life Day!

Good King Wenceslas - The Sequel (Taken from The Utterly Utterly Merry Comic Relief Christmas Book)

2011-12-24T07:57:00.000-08:00

Please Donate to Comic Relief this Christmas

Taken from "The Utterly, Utterly Merry Comic Relief Christmas Book" published in 1986.
This is the Sequel to "Good King Wenceslas". It describes what happens when the King goes to the Peasant's house which occurs at the end of the previous carol.

I was in a choir when I was a kid and I remember this parody very clearly, it scans well and was enormous fun to sing to boot.
Have an Utterly Utterly Merry Christmas - Oh and please donate to Comic Relief while you're at it!

https://www.comicrelief.com/donate

The Nativity - It's Time to Get Real - The Young Ones - The Utterly Utterly Merry Comic Relief Christmas Book

2011-12-24T02:08:00.000-08:00

Great version of the nativity!

Donate to Comic Relief!

The Snowman, The Grinch, Rudolf and his Brother in Nursery (all with colds)

2011-12-23T06:12:00.000-08:00

Bet you didn't know these guys were good mates back in the day...

Made by my kids and I, December 2011

Good King Wenceslas - The Zombie Version

2011-12-23T03:21:00.000-08:00

Now, I've had a go at singing this from "It's beginning to look a bit like Zombies" (Buy by clicking here...)

It's a great version! But is it Zombies singing or people? I had a bit of trouble scanning the start of the second verse, "Hither Zombies chase after her" but I think I made it fit.
Can Zombies sing?
I'm not sure they should even run...
Canon? You decide...
Happy Zombie Christmas!

The Snowman - Which Intro is Canon?

2011-12-23T01:12:00.000-08:00

There are three possible openings to this classic animation which everyone in the world must watch at 4pm tomorrow.

The first two came at the same time.

Firstly we see Raymond Briggs walking through the landscape that inspired him and talking of remembering the snow which gives the following cartoon a real autobiographical edge.

Then there is the version with David Bowie who goes into a loft (presumably of the house in the cartoon) talks of snow and then picks up the scarf that James gets from Santa indicating that David Bowie is the boy from “The Snowman”. Incredible.

Finally we have an animated version from the 20^th anniversary edition in which Santa backs up his version of the story. He was there, he met James…

There is no argument, the cartoon is a documentary, it happened. Raymond Briggs and Bowie are clearly childhood friends, David Bowie is James and Santa is real. FACT.

The Continuing Adventures of Santa Claus - Santa Claus playing a Piano

2011-12-22T00:55:00.000-08:00

Canon?
Probably, this is probably a real photograph.

A Christmas Carol - Mickey's Version...

2011-12-21T07:36:00.000-08:00

You can't get much more Christmassy than this.

Lovely lovely lovely.

No one does humble and browbeaten better than Mickey as Cratchit, he should have won an oscar for this...

Canon: Yep

Christmassy? Almost too christmassy...

The Continuing Adventures of Santa Claus - Santa Claus and Mr Snow

2011-12-21T04:33:00.000-08:00

Now this is definitely true.

The telling of this is almost documentary like in it's authentcity.

Actually this is so Christmassy you can smell the mince pies. Lean closer, go on! Sniff! Lick the screen! You taste that? That's Christmas.

Santa gets stuck, how will the children get their toys?

He gets stuck next to a snowman...

Using magic he brings the snowman to life!
The snowman helps him out of the snowdrift
AND helps to deliver all the right toys to all the right boys
and all the right toys to all the right girls!

There are various toys including some medicine for a small
alcoholic child suffering from DTs...
Above is one of her tragic hallucinations...

FACT: Father Christmas ALWAYS uses a magically animated snowman to help with the delivery of all the presents to all of the children.

Very Canon

Very Christmas

Now watch it again

The Theale Christmas Carol 2010

2011-12-20T08:56:00.000-08:00

The Theale Christmas Carol 2010 by Storytelling by Lambert

Another version of The Christmas Carol, this time a short audio one for your delectation!

The Continuing Adventures of Santa Claus - Santa Claus Versus the Zombies

2011-12-19T12:47:00.000-08:00

Canon?

Definitely.

Santa exists.

Zombies exist.

It's all going to kick off.

Thanks heaven for Santa.

The Snowman - An Earlier Version!

2011-12-18T06:54:00.000-08:00

Now then...

This picture is taken from the hardback edition of "An Oxford Book of Christmas Stories" buy it!

The following is an adaptation of Mabel Marlowe's Christmas classic. It is taken from The Storytelling Resource Centre

Oddly it reminds me of "Jack Frost" the hilarious (and best) serial killer snowman film...

Or Simon's Snowman from Viz - (Watch out it's rude and sweary!)

One wonders whether the author's of those works were influenced by this tale...

Read Marlowe's version to the kids last night and they loved it. This was taken from "The Oxford Book of Christmas Stories."

You have to get "The Oxford Book of Christmas Stories" if you have even the slightest of Christmas bones in your body... I read this in front of our Christmas tree before they went to bed.

Really needed a roaring fire... still...

The Ill-tempered Snowman

THE ILL-TEMPERED SNOWMAN.

It was dawn on an icy-cold Christmas morning. The sun was emerging from over the horizon and standing on the top of a hill was the snowman. He had been there for about three weeks and was looking the worse for wear.
There was a stick underneath his arm. If he had originally had a hat and scarf, it had long since been stolen. One of the stones that had been his eyes had fallen off, so he only had one eye.
The carrot that was placed in the middle of his face to represent his nose was now rotten and had become black and shrivelled, and the small stick that was his mouth had slipped down slightly at one end, so that his mouth was crooked – he was not a pretty sight!
And he was cold! Oh was he cold! The wind at the top of the hill was relentless and he had almost become solid ice! He gazed straight forward with his one eye and watched as the sun rose a little higher in the sky. “That looks as though it might be warm”, he thought to himself. The large red golden ball did indeed look as though it might be warm. “I think I’ll just go a little nearer and see if it is!”
He carefully picked up one foot and shook away the loose snow. Then he did the same with the other and clumsily began to walk down the hill, clump, clump, clumpety clump, clumpety, clumpety clump.
As he made his way down the hill, the snowman noticed an old woman gathering sticks for her fire. She was wearing a big red woollen shawl. “Ooh! That looks warm”, he thought. He went over to the old lady and said, “Give me that shawl!” “I will not!” replied the old lady. “I made this for myself many years ago to keep me warm on a cold day like today!”
“Cold?… Cold? You don’t know the meaning of the word!” said the snowman. “Do YOU have a pillar of solid ice running down the centre of YOUR body?” “No, I haven’t” said the old lady. “Well I DO!” responded the snowman, nastily. “So give me that shawl, or I’ll hit you on the head with my stick!”
Well the old lady didn’t want to be hit on the head, so reluctantly, she handed the shawl to the snowman. And without so much as a ”Please may I?” or even the hint of a “Thank you very much!” the snowman took the shawl and wrapped it tightly around his shoulders. With that, he set off once again down the hill, Clump, clump, clumpety clump, clumpety, clumpety, clump. Followed (at a safe distance!) by the old lady.
A little further down the hill, the snowman came upon a young boy who was making snowballs and throwing them at a tree. The snowman noticed that the boy was wearing a pair of bright red woollen gloves. “Ooh! They look warm!” thought the snowman. “Give me those gloves!” he demanded. “I will not!” the boy replied, “My mother knitted them for me. They keep my hands warm on a cold day!” “Cold?…Cold? What do you know about cold? Bellowed the snowman. Are YOU covered with snow from head to foot?” “No”, said the boy “I’m not”. “Well I AM! The snowman shouted back. “And if you don’t give me your gloves right now, I’ll hit you on the head with my stick!”
Well the boy didn’t want to be hit on the head so he reluctantly took off his gloves and handed them to the snowman. And without so much as a “Please may I?” or even the hint of a “Thank you very much!” the snowman took the gloves and put them on his hands. He drew the old lady’s shawl more tightly around his shoulders and set off again down the hill, with a clump, clump, clumpety clump, clumpety, clumpety clump! Followed (at a safe distance!) by the old lady and the young boy.
When he got nearer the foot of the hill, he noticed an old farmer sitting on a bench, tying up his bootlace. The farmer was wearing a bright red woolly hat. “Ooh! That looks warm”, thought the snowman, when he saw the woolly hat. “Give me that woolly hat!” he demanded of the farmer. “I will not!” answered the farmer. “My wife knitted it for me to keep my head warm on a cold day!” “Cold? ….Cold? What do YOU know about cold?” the snowman angrily replied. Do icicles drip from the end of YOUR nose?” “No” said the farmer, “They don’t”. “Well they DO from mine!” said the snowman, “And if you don’t give me your hat, I will hit you on the head with my stick!”
Well the farmer didn’t want to be hit on the head and so he also handed over his warm, woolly hat. And without so much as a “Please may I?” or even the hint of a “Thank you very much!” the snowman pulled the hat down over where his ears would have been (if he’d had any!), pulled his gloves further onto his hands, wrapped the shawl even tighter around his shoulders and continued to the bottom of the hill, with a clump, clump, clumpety clump, clumpety, clumpety clump! Followed (at a safe distance!) by the old lady, the young boy and the old farmer.
When he arrived at the foot of the hill, the snowman saw a village. At the edge of the village was the schoolhouse and standing in the doorway of the schoolhouse was the schoolmaster – wearing a pair of bright red velvet slippers!
“Ooh! They look warm!” thought the snowman. He clumped up to the schoolmaster and rudely demanded, “Give me those slippers!” “Certainly!” replied the schoolmaster, But if take them off here I’ll get my feet wet. Why don’t you come inside where it’s warm?” The snowman went into the schoolhouse and the schoolmaster led him into his living quarters. There was a big fire burning in the grate. “Now then”, said the schoolmaster, pulling a chair towards the fire, “Why don’t you sit here and warm your feet while I go and take my slippers off.” The snowman sat in the chair and the schoolmaster pushed him even closer to the fire and left the room.
By this time, the old lady, the young boy and the old farmer had arrived outside the schoolhouse and were peering in through the window.
The schoolmaster returned and said to the snowman, “I’ll give you my slippers shortly but I was just about to make some hot soup, I’ll bring you some,” He pushed the chair even closer to the fire and then noticed the old lady and her companions looking in though the window. “Come in” he said to them, you look colder than the snowman, would you like some soup?”
The three came in. They looked over towards the fireplace. All they could see was a chair and on the floor beneath the chair, a very wet shawl, a wet pair of gloves and a wet woolly hat, all floating in a great pool of water!The schoolmaster picked up the wet clothing, wrung out the water and placed the items on a clothes-horse. “There”, he said, “We’ll hang them here to dry”. He picked up a mop and mopped up the water that had been the snowman. There was also a small, black stone and a piece of stick, which he threw on to the fire. The larger stick he used to poke the fire.
“That’s the snowman sorted”, said the schoolmaster. “Serves him right! Now who’s for soup?”
Adapted from 'The Snow-Man' by Mabel Marlowe (Oxford Book of Christmas Stories -1986) Back to Christmas Tales

Mabel Marlowe doesen't have a wiki! Somebody sort this out please!

The Continuing Adventures of Santa Claus - Santa Claus Doing a Wordsearch

2011-12-18T00:55:00.000-08:00

Canon?

Definitely.

Absolutely he does wordsearches.

There are many documented instances of him doing puzzles.

Look at any shelf at your newsagents.

The Continuing Adventures of Santa Claus - Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

2011-12-17T12:06:00.000-08:00

This is an infamous number and indeed it looks like a film that would make one's eyes melt and one's brain pour out of one's ears.

Santa is peace loving and would do no conquering of any Martians but as this is Christmas we can live with watching tosh.

Canon? No.
Good? What do you think?

The Nativity... it's time to get real...again...

2011-12-17T00:22:00.000-08:00

This year's offering went down a storm with the pensioner's this year!

A great piece of work from Jonathan Shelley that truly brings the Christmas Tale to life without going off at any tangents.

Canon? Probably. Hey it's Christmas!

The Theale Nativity 2011 by Storytelling by Lambert

The Continuing Adventures of Santa Claus - Santa Claus in Narnia

2011-12-16T13:31:00.000-08:00

I like Narnia.

I love Santa.

But I was always a little concerned with his appearance in "The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe."

As a child it took me out of the story.

Oh he exists in Narnia?

But Narnia doesn't exist!

So are you saying Santa doesn't exist?

C.S. Lewis murdered my childhood.

As an adult I was more concerned that apart from the trumpet for Susan and the healing potion for Lucy the rest of the presents were all GBH and murder related:

A sword and shield for Peter.

Bow and arrows for Susan.

And a dagger for Lucy, who is supposed to be 8 or 9.

Santa: Just in case you need to shank somebody.

Lucy: I can look after myself, I know how to use this. Now get out of my face, dog.

Look at her inner struggle here!

Lucy: Santa gave me the dagger, therefore stabbing must be okay.

It must be.

CS Lewis is to blame for much of the knife crime being committed by upper class 8 year old girls.

Fact.

Canon: Nope. Father Christmas doesn't fit into the violent world of Narnia, a world that has twisted the minds of generations of children over the years.

All the Bible Belt people love Narnia but have a problem with Harry Potter.

How many people have been killed by wands?

How many people have been killed by knives?

Allow me to illustrate with a very detailed pie chart:

I rest my case m'lud.

The Nativity... it's time to get real...

2011-12-04T05:08:00.000-08:00

The Nativity.

A beautiful work of literature written by many hands over many centuries.

But which account is better?

Matthew's with the wise men?

Luke's with the shepherds?

Or Mark and John who don't really care and move on to the miracles, chicks and car chases as quickly as they can?

Try this one! Written by Jonathan Shelley to be lipsynched to at a school in Reading UK for a Pensioner's Party in Christmas 2010. What are they teaching the kids these days?

The Theale Nativity 2010 by Storytelling by Lambert

Missing Scene from "Return of the Jedi"

2011-12-02T08:58:00.000-08:00

Clearly this is absolutely official.

My sides ache.

The Hobbit - Is this the worst cover art ever?

2011-11-27T01:11:00.000-08:00

I bought "The Hobbit" Graphic Novel from a seller in America and was sent this instead.

I got a refund and they told me to keep the book.

I'm really not surprised.

Russell Grant Yesterday

Bilbo looks like Russell Grant.

And Gollum, my god the artist has made no effort there, looks like a bloke in a cheap mask.

The text inside is the original, but I couldn't go through the book picturing the two characters like that.

Notice at the top it tells us that this is "The Authorized Edition" - I presume it tells us that so we don't assume, from the artwork, that this is a cheap knock off.

This picture is NOT canon.

The Great Don Martin 2 - Rapunzel and the Unexpected Hair Origin

2011-11-26T02:14:00.000-08:00

The Great Don Martin 1 - Rapunzel and the Two Princes

2011-11-20T04:11:00.000-08:00

Doctor Who and the Bat!

2011-11-14T12:31:00.000-08:00

Doctor Who has probably met a bat.

But is this canon?

This Doctor seems somewhat lazy in his thinking and explanation.

"Bats fly at night by using some kind of "radar"".

I'd want more from the cleverest man in the universe than that.

Doctor Who and the Flying Squirrel!

2011-11-13T01:32:00.000-08:00

Definitely Canon

He probably has met a flying squirrel.

Whether he was floating (in a style much akin to the Phantom Zone) in the night next to it is less certain.

Brilliant Mash-ups 2 - Batman Versus Jack the Ripper in Victorian Gotham

2011-11-06T01:22:00.000-07:00

Soooo good.

Batman is relocated to Victorian Gotham without explanation.

No time travel.

The whole story, origin, everything is moved.

Fantastic and the artwork is beautiful.

Buy it here.

Did I say that the great Robert Bloch wrote the introduction?

Why 99p Store is the best shop in the world - your very own Wicker Man Hand of Glory!

2011-10-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

Poundland don't sell this!

99p Store are better than Poundland it is official.

In fact if you can point out a shop that sells a Hand of Glory for less than 99p then do tell.

Look! Compare with the picture below it looks exactly the same!

I plan to recreate this moment at tomorrow's Halloween Party.

Admittedly the kids won't get the reference but who cares!

Thor and Twinkies Save the Earth - But Can Twinkies be trusted? (Twinkie Mind Control exposed!)

2011-10-16T12:03:00.000-07:00

Branagh missed a trick in his recent adaptation of Marvel's Thor.

Twinkies distract the baddie whilst Thor smashes the dangerous machinery.

I still don't have a clue what a Twinkie is but have heard references to them in Zombieland, Ghostbusters and Die Hard.

They must be pretty amazing.

Now I've looked up an American commercial to throw some light on this.

Call it research if you will.

I've changed my mind!

Twinkies are evil. And for Thor to team up with them makes me very concerned.

Look! Twinkie the Kid tells us that little kids can see him.

Then the child asks the mother if she would like to try a Twinkie like some evil little drug pusher.

And then... then... oh the humanity...

"Can you see him now Mummy?"

And with a slightly sad bewildered look Mother replies "I'm beginning to..."

Was this commercial drected by Larry Cohen? It's like "The Stuff" for heavens sake!

The A-Team and Star Wars together at last! The Bad Guys in an Action Figure mash-up!

2011-10-02T05:45:00.000-07:00

What is inside this old tin of Quality Street?

Let us open it and take a look.

Oooooooohhhh.

Star Wars figures and for some reason a small bottle of rum.

This must be from my youth.

I wonder what is written on that list?

Ah it appears to be an inventory of the figures in the tin.

I shall just turn it over.

Wait a moment, what is that at the bottom?

Aside from "Thingy" and "Jabba Weirdo" two lesser known characters from the Star Wars canon, there are 4 "Bad Guys" from the A-Team.

Let's take a look.

Gosh they look mean.

Were they from the original series or are they simply generic bad guys?

Actually these were made as oppostion for the set of A-Team figures.

I don't have the A-team I only have "The Bad Guys".

I got them from Woolworths in a sale.

I thought they would fit in with my Star Wars figures, they are the same size after all.

I had to look this up on the net, I found out their names (I didn't keep packaging, I was a normal child and played with my toys).

This is Cobra.

What's wrong with his eye?

This is Rattler.

He looks quite kind actually. Maybe he's a gardener.

And here's Python.

Another Bad Guy with an eye problem.

And Viper.

Or Groundskeeper Willie.

Actually this guy is pretty detailed.

Looks like the kind of guy you might meet down the pub.

So yes I did put these bad guys (who were bereft of their destined opposition) to work for the Empire.

Seemed right.

Of course we all remember the scene in Jabba the Hutt's Palace (I wasn't rich so I used my garden for this) where he met with Bounty Hunters including The Bad Guys from the A Team.

And on the Forest Moon of Endor who could forget The Bad Guys lending a hand to Darth Vader's shenanigans?

They were mean.

They were tough.

I had no idea who the hell they were supposed to be from the series,

but like Emily loved Bagpuss

I loved The Bad Guys...

Asterix, Bond and Zardoz

2011-09-22T12:12:00.000-07:00

We all know of course that Sean Connery appeared in Asterix in the great "Asterix and the Black Gold"

He is a Secret Agent called Dubbelosix as he took his druidical exams six times and failed.

This is of course Canon for Asterix but for Bond? Probably not.

Although there is the obligatory self destructing message...

However the Sean Connery caricature is modelled on his Zardoz character.

Zardoz is an incredible film from 1973.

There is an incredible celebration of it here on "Mounds and Circles" check it out!

Brilliant Mash-ups 1 - Superman Loving the Alien

2011-09-16T10:25:00.000-07:00

Now is this Canon?

It's an incredibly serious comic from the mid 90s.

Lois Lane and Superman are in it. Tick.

They get a distress call (in Kryptonian) (Tick) and he flies to a desolate Kryptonian colony that has been devastated by our face-hugging friends. (Er?) Does he live in the same universe as Ripley?

Because he is far away from our super power giving yellow sun he is at risk from being impregnated.

And oh my goodness... it happens! Superman is facehugged.

So I would say yes for the Canon.

Apart from his hair.

His hair isn't canon.

I deny the hair.

Buy it here!

Indiana Jones was my Teacher - Spin off Edutainment

2011-09-11T09:47:00.000-07:00

We all wanted to be taught by Indy.

From the spod who left the apple to the harlot with writing on her eyelids.

This book plunges you into his classroom at Marshall College, New England.

You too can be taught by this great man before he takes time off to battle Nazis, find lost treasure and make the beast with two backs with some floozy.

Exciting isn't it!
Look at that!

In this book Indiana Jones will take us back in time!
This isn't just some text book with added pictures of Harrison Ford in his costume! Oh no!

His lessons are inspirational.

He'd get an outstanding in an OFSTED that's for sure. (This is true for he would surely be linking his pedagogy to the world of work (Archaeology), something that is smiled upon greatly by the Gods of Education).

You don't believe that Indiana teaches in the real world? Check out the statement below!

See, straight from the horses mouth.

You can almost smell the leather jacket...

To be serious for a moment, Indiana Jones really did ignite my interest in history and archaeology. The guy made museums sexy.

BUT when they tried to do it on purpose in the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles.

I saw through them.
The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles was like watching a bored flagging teacher borrow the techniques of an incredible and vital inspiring teacher. The thing about any education that could have occurred in the original films was that it happened by accident. The best lessons allow students to discover and learn themselves, they don't need to spell it out. "YOU ARE LEARNING! I AM TEACHING YOU NOW!"

To be honest this should happen more often in our classrooms. In fact I wish I was more like Doctor Jones, not the fusty professor of this book or the one from the start of Raiders of the Lost Ark, but the one out there teaching with his actions, teaching by example, teaching by living his life.

Indy made me want to be a teacher.

I blame you for this Indy!

Damn you!

Goofy Columbus - The Ultimate Influence on my Writing - Shameless Plugs

2011-09-07T11:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people ask writers where they get their ideas from.

For a while I kept this secret but it really is a major influence.

I give you...

I bought this from a jumble sale when I was about 8 or 9 years old.

I read it again and again and again.

I loved it.

I still love it.

Goofy Columbus sets out to prove the world is round.

No-one believes him except for Queen Isabella (a cow).

He manages to get a fleet together.

But, in a very dark ending he is proved wrong - (see below).

It is a fantastic book, playing out medieval thought as fact and thus revealing the inherent silliness in out-dated and superstitous belief.

Seriously. It's that good!

A great non-canonical retelling of the Columbus story. However it is a beautiful part of the Goofy Canon perhaps one of the best.

It's pretty hard to get hold of now (try it!) so I guard my copy with my life and will NEVER sell it.

This story stuck with me into my adult life, even though it was gathering dust in a box in my loft, it was there tugging at my memory when I wrote "The Simple Process of Alchemy".

The play concerned the comical misadventures of two rubbish Rennaisance scientists, who accidentally create a love potion (that works), discover the secret of Alchemy and prove the world is the shape of a big cake.

It is the third act that is influenced by the masterwork known as Goofy Columbus.

It is much more saucy than the Goofy version but the flirtatious relationship between Isabella and Columbus is homaged, in fact you could argue there is a striking resemblance between the actor Ralf Higgins and the Disney King and Queen (he played both King and Queen in this play through the power of "hole in the set technologyTM"). See below for comparison.

Ralf Higgins Ralf Higgins

A Fat Wolf An Amusing Looking Cow

It's just uncanny isn't it.

The lovely Ralf Higgins and the wonderful Chris Corcoran played all the parts in this play, little knowing that I had based this work not on the musing of Descartes, the arguments of Galileo or the works of Marlowe but on a cheap, short and little known comic book.

The end of the comic book was my main inspiration. I always wanted to end a play with two people hanging off the edge of the world and so I did.

Publicity shot

Shot from end of show

See!

If you want to partke of this silly play (particularly good for show off male actors, budding double acts and silly university students) - you could play it with a massive cast too! Shameless plug!

The Sweeney - Top Tips

2011-09-04T12:34:00.000-07:00

This is beautiful.

Top Tips from Viz's compilation "Top of the Tips" (buy Here) presented in a lovely Look-In style circa late Seventies early Eighties.

Would the boys approve?

Is this Canon?

You're nicked if you think so...

Biggles - So you wanna be an extremely silly hero?

2011-09-02T07:08:00.000-07:00

So you wanna be a hero?

I was really looking forward to this film, Biggles, Time Travel, Peter Cushing...

Released trying to ride the wave of success of Indiana Jones this is the only film adaptation of Biggles, which is a damn shame. Still it has a certain cheap and cheerful charm.

Monty Python loved Biggles both in their sketches...

And in literary form from their Papperbok... interestingly, these sketches, penned by Graham Chapman, investigate the whispered rumours about Biggles sexuality. One wonders what less enlightened audiences made of the sketch? Were they cheering when Biggles shoots Algy?

To a certain extent the below extract is a better spin off than the 80's movie above...

Buy it here.

And check out the real deal - a fantastic site with first edition covers of over 100 Biggles books by Captain W.E. Johns.

http://www.biggles.com/

Clint Eastwood - The Continuing Adventures of the Man with No Name

2011-09-01T00:41:00.000-07:00

What a cover.

Now this isn't a bad book by rip-off standards.

It sets out to do more of the same and by jingo it delivers.

Well sort of, you try capturing the sweat and grandeur of a Leone pic in a 35p pulp novel. (Do you remember when books were 35p? Well no me neither, this reprint was published a year before my birth.)

In the end The Man with No Name teams up with two others, a dirty bandit and a suave killer.

Hang on a second haven't we heard that somewhere before?

So in Brian Fox's head he would have cast Lee Van Cleef as DeCabronet (Lee would have to do a French accent) and Eli Wallach as Tuco.

To be honest Leone used the same actors in his films so why couldn't Brian in his book?

If you want to buy it click here.

Interestingly they kept reprinting this into the 80s. This was first published in 1967.

There's a lot of love for the Clint.

The Legacy and Revenge of Han Solo at Stars' End

2011-08-28T01:43:00.000-07:00

My daughter ripped the cover of Han Solo's Revenge when she was 2.
For me it is now priceless.

Doctor Who meets King Kong

2011-08-26T07:46:00.000-07:00

You've all seen this episode?
Doctor Who is travelling the Earth looking at strange creatures and is transported inside the film of King Kong by an unknown evil force?

No I haven't either...
...but you should see where the mysterious force takes him next...

Inappropiate Soundtracks - Close Encounters

2011-08-25T05:04:00.000-07:00

I was looking for hooky footage of CE3K to put some music to and came across this.

I love this it's simple and effective.

It isn't canon but in a parallel universe it should be. I'm going to watch it again, god it makes my sides ache.

Check out the channel here.

Close Encounters - Exciting New Album Available for FREE Download

2011-08-24T07:44:00.000-07:00

Click and Download NOW!

Is it canon?
It feels canon!
That's good enough for me!

Han Solo and the Innappropriately Monickered Droid

2011-08-23T03:40:00.000-07:00

What a picture, look - Harrison Ford and a Crystal Skull!

This ends with Han and Chewie going to borrow money from a gangster called Jabba the Hutt.

Mmmmmm, I smell canon!

However the biggest problem with all Star Wars novels (and Star Trek and I'll be honest Tolkien and Terry Brooks and Doctor Who and any other fantasy novel you care to quote) is giving names to characters.

Often they sound a bit like another word or name.

In this book we have Hasti (is this a quick thinking character or was Mr Daley rhyming with Pasty?)

Badure (Badger?)

Shazeen

Skynx

But all of these pale into insignificance...

See below for Han Solo's inappropriately named droid. This is from the blurb at the front.

In the later novels (I think this is the first - feel free to correct me) the droid is called Zollux - someone must have told Mr Daley, what a shame.

It means that sentences like the one below would never happen again.

And this just seems wrong...

And my absolute favourite...

Hmmm "gleaming Bollux"

Did he have a sack, back and crack?

If you want to buy it click here.

The Spideycopter

2011-08-22T13:02:00.000-07:00

Really?

Peter Parker is a university student. Isn't this beyond his means?

I mean really?

How does this fly anyway?

Should the rotors be joined by a web?

And is that safe landing gear?

Anyone seen this used in a comic?