Friday, 16 December 2011

The Continuing Adventures of Santa Claus - Santa Claus in Narnia

I like Narnia.
I love Santa.
But I was always a little concerned with his appearance in "The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe."
As a child it took me out of the story.
Oh he exists in Narnia?
But Narnia doesn't exist!
So are you saying Santa doesn't exist?
C.S. Lewis murdered my childhood.
As an adult I was more concerned that apart from the trumpet for Susan and the healing potion for Lucy the rest of the presents were all GBH and murder related:
A sword and shield for Peter.
Bow and arrows for Susan.
And a dagger for Lucy, who is supposed to be 8 or 9.

Santa: Just in case you need to shank somebody.
Lucy: I can look after myself, I know how to use this. Now get out of my face, dog.

Look at her inner struggle here!
Lucy: Santa gave me the dagger, therefore stabbing must be okay.
It must be.

CS Lewis is to blame for much of the knife crime being committed by upper class 8 year old girls.

Canon: Nope. Father Christmas doesn't fit into the violent world of Narnia, a world that has twisted the minds of generations of children over the years.
All the Bible Belt people love Narnia but have a problem with Harry Potter.
How many people have been killed by wands?
How many people have been killed by knives?
Allow me to illustrate with a very detailed pie chart:

I rest my case m'lud.

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